Calling All Patriarchs
Answer The Call
Few things highlight our impermanence and finitude like boys becoming men. For every size up a boy goes in his shoes he’s stepping ever nearer the boundless lands beyond mere nature, beyond the shadow, toward ever-shining delights — Or else, ever-darkened, cavernous horrors, where all thought winks out, overtaken by perfect grief of a perfect wrath. Put like that, the stakes are seen to be quite high. How will boys navigate safely along this walking tour unless good fathers lead them?
But that’s precisely what fathers are called to. Men are called to rule well, be good patriarchs — patriarch means father rule. And where do the men come from? They come from boys who are called to become men, to become as their fathers. So who is calling the boys out of boyhood, inviting them into manhood? And how is this process done; what does that even mean or look like in the United States today? It’s not something I heard talked about growing up. Recently there are in roads being made to bring this stabilizing force back into our culture. Books like “The Intentional Father” by Jon Tyson are being passed around and fathers are heeding the call to call out their boys. It’s a call out of, and into something greater than one’s self.
My friend, Forrest, has answered this call. He recently organized a second coming of age party, after already honoring his first born this way. I’ve been fortunate to participate to some extent and realize how quickly it will be my turn. Already I have written advice/charges/blessings for two of his sons. What words should I exhort my son with? Will he understand the glory, the weight of this call? How will I communicate how deeply grateful I am for the gift of God that he is to me as a father?
Fathers, either we raise these future men, or the world will. Boys grow into men as sure as night turns to day. You can’t stop it so get prepared now. Men must guide boys into masculinity — don’t let it happen “accidentally”.
How will you get prepared? Mine the Proverbs. Collect wisdom and get understanding yourself. Aside from God’s inspired Word, there are many excellent resources to consider for further application that may apply either universally or perhaps more specifically to your context. Get on Canon+. Read the Puritans. Read William Gouge’s work on “domestic duties”. Read J.C. Ryle’s Thoughts for Young Men. Read Douglas Wilson’s family series books, especially Future Men. Or, my go-to, It’s Good to be a Man, by Foster and Tennant.
More than reading, it’s about the conversation you have with your son. The content isn’t an end in itself. These gifts are tools; keys that open doors inside your son’s mind and heart. Use them as such. Otherwise, you’ll be a noisy gong to your boy and he will resent the constant, impersonal preaching. Teaching requires participation. So please give yourself over to the sweat and tears of making your son your own apprentice. As the parable about the farmer repairing a fence with his sons goes, “[he’s] raising sons, not mending a fence.” Sure, it may take longer, but the fruit is greater, too.
Boys are worth the time. Time is what you must give them. Most importantly, whatsoever you do, do as unto the Lord with all your mind, body, soul, and strength. Because no matter what you read and what you say to your son, it’s what you do that he will imitate, or reject. Act like the man that you want our future men to want to be.
But as far as words go, and they do accomplish more than we dare give credit for, what will you say to your son on the day he receives the call? What will I?
Perhaps what I said to Forrest’s son will be a good starting point:
***
Josiah, Son of Forrest,
So, manhood is upon you. What does that mean? Death. That sounds funny, but it’s true. What I mean is that as a man you are called to a living death, a life of self-sacrifice. Douglas Wilson rightly defined masculinity as "the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility". Accept it. Embrace it — glad-heartedly — joyously.
What is expected of you? Growth. The expectation, the goal, is growth; Not perfection. Become excellent and skilled at what is good and true and beautiful. Emulate your father as he imitates Christ and you’ll not only grow, you’ll flourish.
How will you do this? Ask. Ask lots of real and grounding questions. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Don’t debate the wisdom of older men and your dad. There’s a season for debating but that comes later—after you bulk up on godly wisdom and practice humility. But you, Josiah, must first “get wisdom; [and] get understanding”. So learn the rightkind of questions to ask, and ask the rightkind of men.
And as in all theaters of life, knowing is half of the battle. What about the other half? Once you know answers to the questions you ask it is up to you to Act. Act like a man. No man becomes a man by aiming at manhood; you become more manly by doing manly things. So as you step onto this path, leave childish ways behind and act like a man by doing the difficult things men do (Don’t worry, you’re dad’s a good guide — he will teach you).
You can’t shortcut the path of wisdom, like plucking forbidden fruit before it’s time. That would only produce bitter results. You must trust God’s able hand to craft you and bring you along in the fullness of time. Just watch what God does; You’ll be amazed. I know I am.
May you be fierce in fighting sin,
Courageous in repentance,
Bold in confessing Truth,
Fruitful in dominion,
And rich in love.
Happy coming of age day.
To the Lamb!
-Mark Mulnix
